Should corporal punishment be in or out?

I am a victim of corporal punishment at the same time a victimizer of the same. In the early 1980’s as a student in class 1 in the then Changangkha primary school, I still recall a lady  teacher administering 20 times of harsh lashing on my hands by the tender branches of the willow trees. The willow trees are still there in the present Changangkha LSS fully matured. Every time I pass by the school I am reminded of that one incident in the classroom. The incident that had me relieve in the classroom out of fear of the teacher. I hated the school so much so that I refused to go to the school. My mother had to look for another school in the midst of the academic session.

I remember our Dzongkha lopens applying the harshness of the nettle sting on our tender skin. More than concentrating in the lesson we would be busy scratching the affected part. There was no learning in the classroom.

As a beginning teacher I administered the same kind of punishment to my students the way we were brought up in the school. Students used to fear me and I mistook that for respect. Even as a principal I did exactly the same kind of corporal punishment to students in the manner I was treated as a student. If I am ever asked to mention one thing that I regret in my life, it’s this application of the corporal punishment to my students.

Now after more than two decades the attitude of the people still hasn’t changed. We are now entering into the 21^st century-in the world of information and technology. It is a fast paced world where children have become smarter, more sensitive and at the same time vulnerable. What worked two decades ago may not be applicable in today’s scenario. And so is the case of corporal punishment. We need to move with the changing pace of the world and accept changes with development.

Today there are many alternatives to dealing with students rather than the use of force. Positive discipline is one next to counseling. It is a matter of developing positive rapport and connection with students through care, warmth, love and support. Schools are oriented on the child friendly aspect of schooling. There are discipline guides provided by the ministry of education.

How can we base the social problems due to the ban of corporal punishment in the schools?  How about the many adults who are equally engaged in such social disharmony? What about the parental roles at home?  W may never know the violence in the youth today may be the result of the violence inflected on them at one point or the other. And in a place like Bhutan where GNH is the developmental philosophy, corporal punishment certainly has no room to stay. I am glad the realization dawned on me before it is too late and I don’t want our teachers to make the same mistakes like I did.

A Walk Worth Taking

As I walk into my office with the back pack and a carry lunch in my hand, some call me as OGB (over grown baby), some ask me if I am going on a hiking, and some ask me how the wintry cold doesn’t not deter me from walking to the office and many comment that I look like a school going kid with that bag on my back. I tell myself as long as I know what I am doing who cares a fig about these comments.

I have been walking to office since the onset of the winter. In fact, I have made a pact with my family that kids will walk to school when it’s not raining and my husband and I will walk to office in winter and when not raining in summer.

I was explaining to my kids that by walking they will be contributing in their own little ways towards Green school for Green Bhutan. We would be preventing environment pollution from vehicle emission; we would reduce traffic congestion and create one space for the parking lot. We would save our pocket with the fuel prizes hiking up every time. And over and above we would be keeping fit and healthy. There are lots of health benefits of taking a walk. People who walk regularly are less prone to hypertension and diabetic. Walking leaves you both mentally and physically sound.

The positive benefits of walking to office don’t stop there. Taking a walk to the office leaves u with ample time to connect to your inner self. It gives you time to contemplate as you walk mindfully. It gives you time to organize your work mentally so that you get to settle down the moment you are in the office. Besides, you get to observe and see lot of things which otherwise would be missed out if you are behind the wheel. Not to mention the morning sun that comes with lot of vitamin D.

I have realized that walking to office in winter is the best option over the cold car seat and cold steering wheel. In fact winter is the best time to walk without having to worry about the rain, or the speeding cars splashing water on you. You don’t even have to worry about the beads of sweats dripping down your face spoiling your fresh morning makeup. And walking back to home after work is even more refreshing. You get time to rejuvenate after a tiring day of working in front of the computer. It relaxes your muscles and by the time you are home you are all smiling through the icy wintry cold.

Being a working parent with no helper at home, we hardly have extra time for exercise or the luxury of taking a walk. So taking the opportunity to walk to office turned out to be the best option.  So now my health mantra is “a walk a day keeps all the diseases away”

 

The culprit of many issues

We are always talking of juvenile delinquencies when it comes to gang fights, vandalisms, hooliganisms, and anything related to vulgarism and brutalism. It is not shocking when even some 74 year old and 44 year old were involved in a stabbing case this week. Most often it is the adults who visit the bars, Karaoke’s and discotheques in the capital s and it is no doubt many of the broken railings on the express way can be attributed to them as well.

Whether it is the young or the old, the culprit behind the misdemeanors happens to be the alcohol. Most of the accidents are related to drunk driving. Most of the fights occur under the influence of alcohol. Many of the dysfunctional family take place under the influence of alcohol. Many abuse cases at home are executed under the influence of alcohol.

For almost every single person there is a bar in the city. There is no dearth of alcohol too. There are varieties ranging from cheap local production to expensive imported ones. It is up to the individual to choose depending on their pocket.  So what has not been achieved by alcohol? Yet it has not received the same importance as that of smoking cigarette or chewing tobacco.

As far as I am concerned I haven’t heard of a single case where a person has been found smoking and created nuisance to the society. Yet it has received much honour in recent times. Put many people behind the bars for mere possession of few packets of chewing tobacco.  It almost brought down group of people on the street to protest against those who put in the act.

The effect of alcohol on health is also double the effect created by smoking. We hear more cases of liver cirrhosis than bronchitis. We hear more of alcohol psychosis than a mental problem brought on by smoking or eating tobacco. Yet alcohol is doing its round freely at the joy of the people. Not realizing that this joy comes to end very badly leaving marks forever to both the consumer without limitation and to those affected.

The so called empathy and compassion fly out of the window when the alcohol sets in the body of the beholder. The person becomes the slave to the demonic effect of the alcohol. That is the time when no fear creeps in and it is the time when a do or die situation appears before the person. That is why every erroneous action takes place when one is under the influence of alcohol.

So isn’t it time to see the cause of the action rather than the result brought about by such action? The creator of disharmony in the society and culprit of many problems that we see and hear on a daily basis is the alcohol. So how are we going to ensure that it gets the same, in fact much needed attention like that of the tobacco act?

 

Letter to a Friend

Here is a letter I wrote to a friend who once asked me tips on how to love a person in better ways:

 

Dear Friend,

 Since you asked me to write to you about being able to love a person better, I will try to give you some tips so that you would be in a better position to love the right woman when she enters your life. Actually love is something when you feel it, it should come naturally. When you don’t feel it no matter how much you force yourself to show it will never come.

 Love is to be felt from within and then shown without. It is something that our heart feels and our mind directs it outside. As far as possible if you love a person you should often say it to make the other person feel assured in the relationship. Our human nature is such that we need constant reminders and affection.

 Here are some tips that you can follow:

1. Generally most women have the needs to feel wanted, desired, needed, loved and understood. You should make her feel that she is one person that you desire and want. You should make her feel that you need her more than any body in this world. And most of all she needs to feel that she is loved beyond any measures and that her needs are understood.
2. Women by nature are very fragile when it comes to love. She needs constant physical intimacy to boost her emotional intimacy and needs. She loves to be cuddled, kissed and hugged very often. When a man displays these actions she will feel that she is cared by her man.
3. Most women are generally very romantic. A woman loves to have candle lit dinner with the man she loves. Going for a ride, eating out in the restaurant, drinking wine over a slow number and ultimately making love with the soft music playing at the background would really turn on your girl.
4. When a woman falls in love she makes her man the center of her life and she expects him to make her the center of his life too. Try to make her feel that she is the most important person in your life.
5. Insecurity is the worst feeling in a relationship. Never make your girl feel insecure by your actions. She will feel insecure when she feels that you ignore her. She will feel insecure when she feels that you give preference to your friends over her. She will feel insecure when she feels that you have other similar relationship besides her. Talk to her and make her understand that there is no one more important than her.
6. If you stay away from her for a long time make sure you keep in touch constantly just to keep the burning fire of passion going on. You be the first one to take the initiative to call her up so that she will feel that no matter where you are, she is thought of a lot.
7. Our friends mean a lot to us. They are the best thing that happens in our life besides our love life. But never make your girl feel that your friends are more important than her.
8. Say something always nice to her. Make her feel that she is the treasured one and she will give all that she can.
9. Big things really don’t matter to a girl. It is the small things that matters a lot for her. So try to buy her small gifts very often. Even if it is small pin that you buy for her it will matter a lot to her. After all it is the thoughts that count and not the things.
10. Remember to hold her hands when you walk together. She needs to feel that she is protected in your arms.
11. Send her a surprise card or drop in a few lines very often so that she is reminded constantly that you are there for her. It will not only boost up your relationship but it will make her believe in your love very strongly.
12. Don’t make your girl feel that she is neglected. When she falls in love she becomes emotionally dependent on you and you should provide her the necessary anchor for her. You should be the shoulder for her to lean on when needed.
13. When a woman goes through an emotional crisis she will usually attack the person she loves the most. Give her time to calm down and settle her emotions instead of equally fighting with her and making the situation worst for her. Remember that she will expect you to give your comfort and share her problems. So don’t attack her back and make her feel the worst.
14.  Never miss an opportunity to say ‘I love you’ to someone you really love because it’s not everyday that you find someone who has the magic to make you fall in love.
15. And remember that God doesn’t play dice with the universe. Everything happens on purpose. When you fall in love with someone, it is not an accident. He wanted you get the best and feel the best. Therefore, hold on to your love, give the best that you can and you will receive the best.
16. And don’t worry about not knowing how to love. It really doesn’t matter who you love or how you love but that you love is the most important thing. After all it is always better to have loved and being loved than never loved at all.
17. And lastly just a food for your thought. “A real man does not need to romance a different girl every night. A real man romances the same girl for the rest of her life”
18. You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.

Dear Friend, you don’t need all these to uncover your feelings but I am hoping that the lines will at least open your eyes and look beyond the preconceived notion of your mind. And I am hopeful that one day you will definitely come across the right person in your life who has that magic to make you fall in love. Put these thoughts into practice and I guarantee that you and your girl will have a much better relationship.

 

With love

 

Karma

A Road to Better Life

Live and let live, Love and be loved

Give and receive, Smile for a smile

Laugh and find yourself happy

Dream but don’t be too ambitious

Make mistakes but learn from it

Don’t be afraid to commit

But do so when ready

Have the courage to face the downs

There is a silver lining in every cloud

Take s dose of music, medicine for soul

Sleep less, work more

Give more, take less

Live each day at a time

Talk slowly, think quickly

Use your head and heart

To know yourself and others

It’s ok to fail after trying

Worse never to have tried at all

Have a positive attitude all the time

Eyesight is not harmed looking at

The brighter side of things

A warm hug, a soft kiss

Cost nothing but salve heartache

Don’t expect anything from others

It disappoints, leaves unhappy

Love is a gift: say ‘I love you’

Often to those you care for

When you fall down, don’t stay down

Get up and attempt with a smile

Always smile as it makes others happy

And keeps your worries at bay

Laugh at yourself rather than  at others

no medicine matches humour in pains

Remember that the sun is always there

just hidden on a cloudy day

watch out for opportunity

knocking on your door

It comes disguised as hard work

 

The other side of the New Year

The eve of New Year is a time to wish for an occasion that heralds peace, harmony, loads of happiness and success. Friends and families make it a point to get together, to celebrate the occasion and welcome the New Year with hopes and aspirations. People put up parties to mark the New Year in every nook and corner of the country. In a place like Thimphu there is no dearth of such places. We have discotheques every here and there. People don’t care who comes in and goes. That is why we hear of a 17 year old boy who got stabbed in his eyes because of which he now lost his eye sight. Is that a way to welcomes one’s New Year. We all know that it is time for celebration but is it right to let youngsters get drunk and hit each other.

There are many people responsible here. The youth may not have realized his actions until he found himself in the hospital with the lost eye sight. The ones who hit him may not have realized that evening when they were under the influence of alcohol or whatever substance they abused. I have a queer feeling that they must be repenting now but they find that they have now no ways to redeem their actions.

But the parents should have known better to have let their children out at odd hour. The bar owners or the discotheque operators should have known that underage children have no entry into their area. There are many others who are responsible but now what is the point of repenting when everything is done.

The sight at the express way is a sore to the eye. Broken railings and electric poles at every few distance, splinters of glasses on the road, broken culverts, remains of the vehicles and so on. In just one evening a lot of damages have been done. The road to Kuenselphodrang and Sangaygang popularly known as Buddha point and BBS point respectively is polluted with empty cans, broken beer bottles, wrappers and plastics.

Where has the civic sense disappeared? How do we inculcate the civic sense of driving, the civic sense of keeping your own trash, the civic sense of preserving the facilities given to us, and the most of all the civic sense of empathy and compassion to oneself and to others? As parents, how do we ensure that our children are not in the wrong company and that they are not into undesirable actions? Where do we draw the lines of when do they party and at what age?

If things are not going right with children isn’t it time to do some reflection of where we have gone wrong in our ways of up-bringing them? Let’s do our part well so that there is no room for regret. At the end of the day we all should remember that children are the greatest asset to us and most importantly youth of today should be brought up as the leaders of tomorrow not as the destructor to oneself and burden to the family and country.

Happi Lomba and Hontoe

On 23^rd December, people of Haa were blessed with the visit by His Majesty the King and her Majesty the Queen to celebrate the happi lomba. The lomba is celebrated on the 29^th day of the 10^th month of the Bhutanese calendar. It is the onset of New Year for the Haaps and parops.  Happi Hontoe (dumpling) is the specialty of the day. House hold members compete to eat Hontoe. Hontoe is a special dumpling made of barley flour with ingredients such as dried spinach, turnip, cheese, butter, pepper, red chilly powder, and salt. These days people even mix fresh spinach, cabbage and mix the maida with barley flour. Taste of hontoe differs from one house to another.  It depends entirely on the mixture of the in gredients. The size and shape of the hontoe also differ from one another.

I was reminiscing my childhood on this year’s Lomba. As a young kid back in the village we used to go around singing ‘Lolay’ from one house to another. ‘Lolay’ is a song wishing people happy New Year, good luck, success and happiness for the year. Those days we didn’t understand what we were singing. We did it for the sheer pleasure of it and off course the excitement of getting something in return for singling lolay would add to the charm. Those days most people used to give us in kinds, like hontoe, some meat, rice etc. Few would give in cash and we would vie for that.

 

I see that this practice has now died in the village. Children no more go around singing lolay. Somehow people have failed to preserve this age old tradition.

A-Z of Wonder Woman

Appreciate the little things in life

Befriend but be cautious

Consult others but take your own decisions

Don’t say ‘yes’ when you have to say ‘no’

Expect less or nothing from others

Forgive and forget. It saves a lot of pains to yourself

Give as good as you get. Don’t let anybody mess up with your life

Humour is essential. Learn to find humour even on a crappy day

Inject fun and pleasure into your life. All work and no play make ‘Jane’ a dull girl

Juggle your way through multitasking. It needs simply will power

Knight in shining armour appears only in fairy tales. Face the reality.

Learn to say ‘no’. It saves lots of stresses

Manage your thoughts and your actions will be taken care of.

Never forget the blessings that come each day

Observe, learn, filter and take in only what is necessary

Put yesterday at the back of your mind. Live for today

Question more but intelligently

Remember to forget the things that made you sad. Let go of the past

Stand your ground when you know you are right

Think positive thoughts all the time. It makes you a better person

Undaunted, Undeterred, Undismayed, Unfazed, are the 4 Us you should possess

Venture out and take the risk. It is worth than not doing anything

Winter is here but spring comes soon after. Be optimistic

Xerox your inner beautiful self on the face. It shows a lot

Yearn not for happiness from outside. Remember it is within you

Zero on the negative thoughts

Hope Springs Eternal

There are times when you feel down

When all the odds are against you

When you feel you are not loved enough

And understood better

There are times when you feel the cash flow is low

When you suffer for even a single pie

When you feel bogged down with financial stress

That makes you feel you are all alone

There are times when you feel betrayed

By friends, brothers, sisters and all

When you see the whole world is nothing but betrayal

That makes you lose trust in others

There are times when you suffer the pain of loss

 Agony of loneliness, fear of the uncertain future

When nothing seems to be right

And everything seems to go wrong

There are times when you feel frustrated with life

And blame god for the fate that you are in

When you feel your prayers are not answered

That makes you lose faith in religion

It is at this time you should look deeply

Into your life and you will find

That hope has not left you

It is when hope is what keeps you going

 

Ifs…and… Buts…of Life

 

If only we know what the future has install for us

But we don’t know and can’t predict

If only we know how to live one day at a time

But we don’t live knowing that we can if we try

If only we say the right thing at the right time

But we don’t say  knowing full well that we could

If only we do and act the right thing

But we don’t do and act even when we know we can

If only we have not said and done what shouldn’t be done

But we know we couldn’t have avoided- a human frailties

If only we could appreciate the good that we see in others

But we fail to do attributing to being just a human nature

If only we could all develop positive attitude

But we know we are filled with negative thoughts

If only we could lighten the burden of others

But we won’t even try and we say we can’t

If only we can plant hope on the face of the unprivileged

But we can’t afford to because this is a cruel materialistic world

If only we could make somebody smile just for a while

But we only know how to frown and burden somebody‘s day

If only we could spare some time for the lonely and old

But none would even if we could make their weary day gold

If only we all try to get into somebody’s shoes

But we dare not do that for fear of pinches

If only we could love and get rid of hatred

But our soul is such that it only knows to bear hatred

If only we could be grateful even for a little gesture

But we only gather the little faults and forget the great deeds.

                                                    If only…if only…if only…

But…but…but…

Life is full of ifs and buts

It’s all in our hands how we make a living out of it